Bad Jokes 26 : The Dark Prophecy
Why being a Woman is ... Better.
We can get rid of leg hair without pretending that we do a lot of cycling/swimming, or any
other sport that would require aerodynamic legs.
We absently hum tunes from musicals without anyone being suspect of our sexuality.
When we buy a vibrator it is glamorous. When men buy a blow up doll it's sad.
We can use cosmetics should we wake up looking like something the cat dragged in.
We can wear platforms - which is why there is no such thing as a 'short woman's complex'
We don't have to get our strength up between sessions. .......and it's much easier for us
to get laid in the first place.
We can get off with teenagers without being called dirty old perverts.
We never ejaculate prematurely.
We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls, and are nice to us
when we blow up our computers.
We know that Tetris is the computer game to end all games.
We got off the Titanic first.
Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin and gorgeous - they look like complete dicks in
ours.
We have total control over our eyebrows.
We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
It's cool to be a daddy's girl. It's sad to be a mommy's
boy.
We can cry and get off speeding fines.
The thrill of surprising people by being good at darts..and pool.....and football.
We live longer, so we can be cantankerous old biddies wearing inappropriate clothes and
shouting at strangers.........men die earlier so we get to cash in on the life insurance.
We know that games are fun, but don't believe there's a direct correlation between the
size of our scores and the size of our genitals.
Taxis stop for us.
We get drunk quicker and cheaper.
We have no desire to arrange our possessions in alphabetical order. Ever.
We've never fancied a cartoon character or the central figure in a computergame.
It does not enhance our social standing to understand the inner workings of a 'ruck'(or
any other rugby thing). But we look INCREDIBLY cool if we do.
We never recognize ourselves in aspects of Mr Bean. Ever.
We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
Sorry. We are just better.
It was slightly before Thanksgiving. The trip went reasonably well,
and he was ready to go back. The airport on the other end had turned a tacky red and
green, and loudspeakers blared annoying elevator renditions of cherished Christmas carols.
Being someone who took Christmas very seriously, and being slightly tired, he was not in a
particularly good mood.
Going to check in his luggage (which, for some reason, had become one suitcase with
entirely new clothes), he saw hanging mistletoe. Not real mistletoe, but very cheap
plastic with red paint on some of the rounder parts and green paint on some of the flatter
and pointier parts, that could be taken for mistletoe only in a very Picasso sort of way.
With a considerable degree of irritation and nowhere else to vent it, he said to the
attendant, "Even if I were not married, I would not want to kiss you under such a
ghastly mockery of mistletoe."
"Sir, look more closely at where the mistletoe is."
(pause)
"Ok, I see that it's above the luggage scale, which is the place you'd have to step
forward for a kiss."
"That's not why it's there." (pause)
"Ok, I give up. Why is it there?"
"It's there so you can kiss your luggage goodbye."
HOW TO COOK A THANKSGIVING TURKEY.........
Step 1: Go buy a turkey
Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey (scotch)
Step 3: Put turkey in the oven
Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whiskey
Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens
Step 6: Take 3 more whiskeys of drink
Step 7: Turn oven the on
Step 8: Take 4 whisks of drinky
Step 9: Turk the bastey
Step 10: Whiskey another bottle of get
Step 11: Stick a turkey in the thermometer
Step 12: Glass yourself a pour of whiskey
Step 13: Bake the whiskey for 4 hours
Step 14: Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 15: Take the oven out of the turkey
Step 16: Floor the turkey up off of the pick
Step 17: Turk the carvey
Step 18: Get yourself another scottle of botch
Step 19: Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey
Step 20: Bless the saying, pass and eat out
Jon's working at the lumberyard, pushing a tree through the
buzz saw, and accidentally shears off all ten of his fingers. He goes to the emergency
room.
The doctor says, "Yuck! Well, give me the fingers, and I'll see what I can do."
Jon says, "I haven't got the fingers."
The doctor says, "What do you mean, you haven't got the fingers? It's 1998.
We've got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could have put them
back on and made you like new. Why didn't you bring the fingers?"
Jon says, "Well, shit, Doc, I couldn't pick 'em up."
One night a wife found her husband standing over their baby's crib.
Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his
face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, skepticism.
Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes glistening she
slipped her arm around her husband.
"A penny for your thoughts," she said.
"It's amazing!" he replied. "I just can't see how anybody can make a crib
like that for only $46.50."
A man with a 25 inch long penis goes to his doctor to complain that
he is unable to get any women to have sex with him. They all tell him that his penis is
too long. "Doctor," he asked, in total frustration, "is there any way you
can shorten it?" The doctor replied, "Medically son, there is nothing I can do.
But, I do know this witch who may be able to help you." So the doctor gives him
directions to the witch. The man calls upon the witch and relays his story. "Witch,
my penis is 25 inches long and I can't get any women to have sex with me. Can you help me
shorten it?" The witch stares in amazement, scratches her head, and then replies,
"I think I have a solution to your problem. What you have to do is go to a pond
deep in the forest. You will see a frog sitting on a log who can help solve your dilemma.
First you must ask the frog, will you marry me? Each time the frog declines your
proposal,your penis will be five inches shorter." The man's face lit up and he dashed
off into the forest. He called out to the frog, "Will you marry me?" The frog
looked at him dejectedly and replied, "NO!" The man looked down and suddenly his
penis was 5 inches shorter. "WOW," he screamed out loud, "This is great!!
But it's still too long at 20 inches, so I'll ask the frog to marry me again."
"Frog, will you marry me?" the guy shouted. The frog rolled its eyes back in its
head and screamed back, "NO!" The man felt another twitch in his penis, looked
down, and it was another 5 inches shorter. The man laughed, "This is fantastic."
"Fifteen inches is still a monster" he reflected for a moment. "Just a
little less would be ideal." he thought. Grinning, he looked across the pond
and yelled out, "Frog will youmarry me?"
The frog looked back across pond shaking its head in disgust,
"How many times do I have to tell you? "NO!"......"NO!"......and
for the last time"NO!"
We all know those cute little computer symbols called
"emoticons," where :) means a smile and :( is a frown. Sometimes these are
represented by :-) and :-( respectively. Well, how about some "assicons"?
Here goes:
(_!_) a regular ass
(__!__) a fat ass
(!) a tight ass
(_._) a flat ass
(_^_) a bubble ass
(_*_) a sore ass
(_!__) a lop-sided ass
{_!_} a swishy ass
(_o_) an ass that's been around
(_O_) an ass that's been around even more
(_x_) kiss my ass
(_X_) leave my ass alone
(_zzz_) a tired ass
(_o^o_) a wise ass
(_13_) an unlucky ass
(_$_) Money coming out of his ass
(_?_) Dumb Ass
The President is meeting with Saddam Hussein regarding the recent
crisis. They are meeting in Hussein's Baghdad capital, and halfway through the meeting
Hussein hits a button on his armrest. A fake arm flies out and hits Clinton in the face.
A little while later he hits another button and Clinton ducks, only to be kicked in the
butt. A while later, this happens again. Clinton is angry, calls a break, and they decide
to meet again later, in Washington.
When Hussein comes to DC, they sit in Clinton's office. A few minutes into the
discussions, Clinton hits a button, Hussein ducks, but nothing happens. A few minutes
later, Clinton hits another button, Hussein ducks again, but still nothing happens. This
happens a third time, and Hussein, by this point, is angry and paranoid.
He gets up and shouts "Enough of this! I'm going back to Baghdad!"
Clinton looks up and displays a funny-looking smirk to the Iraqi leader. Then quite calmly
replies, "What Baghdad?"
Three baseball fans were on their way to a game when one noticed a
foot sticking out of the bushes by the side of the road.
They stopped and discovered a nude female dead drunk. Out of respect and propriety, the
Cubs fan took off his cap and placed it over her right breast. The Red Sox fan took off
his cap and placed it over her left breast. Following their lead, the Yankee fan took off
his cap and placed it over her crotch.
The police were called and when the officer arrived, he conducted his inspection. First,
he lifted up the Cubs cap, replaced it, and wrote down some notes. Next, he lifted the Sox
cap, replaced it, and wrote down some more notes. The officer then lifted the Yankees cap,
replaced it, then lifted it again, replaced it, lifted it a third time, and replaced it
one last time.
The Yankee fan was getting upset and finally asked, "What are you, a pervert or
something? Why do you keep lifting and looking, lifting and looking?"
Well," said the officer. "I am simply surprised. Normally when I look under a
Yankees hat, I find an asshole."
The kindergarten class had settled down to its coloring books.
Willie came up to the teacher's desk and said, "Miss Francis, I ain't go
no crayons."
"Willie," Miss Francis said, "you mean, "I don't have any
crayons.' You don't have any crayons. We don't have any crayons. They don't have any
crayons. Do you see what I'm getting at?"
"Not really," Willie said, "What happened to all them crayons?"
A building contractor was being paid by the week for a job that was
likely to stretch over several months. He approached the owner of the property and held up
the check he'd been given.
"This is two hundred dollars less than we agreed on," he said.
"I know," the owner said. "But last week I overpaid you two hundred
dollars, and you never complained."
The contractor said. "Well, I don't mind an occasional mistake. But when it gets to
be a habit, I feel I have to call it to your attention."
A young blond woman walks into a store. Seeing a thermos labeled "Keep Hot Things Hot, and Cold Things Cold!", she purchases one. Arriving at work the next day, she proudly displays it to her co-workers, one of whom asked her what she'd brought. Smiling brightly, she replied, "Two cups of coffee and a popsicle!"
A daddy cannibal and his son are hiding in a bush, waiting to catch
someone for dinner.
First of all a wee skinny guy walks by. Junior says"Daddy, Daddy, let's take him home
and have him for dinner" Daddy says, "No, son, he's just a wee runt, hardly a
pick on him".
So they wait...
Then a big fat guy walks by. Once again, Junior pipes up, "Daddy, Daddy, let's take
him home and have him for dinner" Once again Daddy says, "No, son, he's fat and
flabby and full of cholestrol".
So they wait...
Then a big, busty blonde walks by. Once again, Junior says, "Daddy, Daddy, let's take
her home and have her for dinner" Once again Daddy says, "No son, let's
take her home and have your mother for dinner".
The Sultan of Brunei was getting a bit cheesed off as he had 6
children, all girls, and therefore had no son and heir. Imagine his joy, then, when one of
his wives presented him with his only son and heir.
Just before his son's sixth birthday, the Sultan took him to one side and said, "Son,
I am very proud of you. Anything you want, I shall get for you".
His son replied, "Daddy, I would like an aeroplane". Not wanting to do anything
by halves, his father bought him British Airways.
Just before his son's seventh birthday, the Sultan took him to one side. "Son, you
are my pride and joy. Anything you want, I shall get for you." His son replied,
"Daddy, I would like a boat". Not wanting to do anything by halves, his father
bought him P&O Ferries.
Just before his son's eight birthday, the Sultan took him to one side."Son, you bring
so much happiness into my life. Anything you want, I shall get for you." His son
replied, "Daddy, I would like to be able to watch films ". Not wanting to do
anything by halves, his father bought him MGM Studios and their cinemas, where he watched
all his favourite Western Movies.
Just before his son's ninth birthday, the Sultan took him to one side. "Son, you are
an inspiration to us all. Anything you want, I shall get for you." His son, who had
caught the 'Western' movie bug, replied, "Daddy, I would like a cowboy outfit".
Not wanting to do anything by halves, his father bought him Microsoft !
National Science Foundation announced the following study results on
corporate America recreation preferences:
1. Sport of choice for maintenance level employees: BOWLING
2. Sport of choice for journeyman level workers: FOOTBALL
3. Sport of choice for supervisors: BASEBALL
4. Sport of choice for middle management: TENNIS
5. Sport of choice for corporate officers: GOLF
CONCLUSION: The higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls.
Giuseppi walks into work, and he says, "Ey, Tony! You know
who's-a George Washington?"
Tony says, "No, Giuseppi, who's-a George Washington?"
He says, "Hah! George-a Washington's the first-a President of- a United States. I'm-a
go to night school, learn all about-a United States, and become-a U.S.-a
citizen."
A couple of days later, Giuseppi walks into work and says. "Ey, Tony, you know
who's-a Abraham Lincoln?"
Tony says, "No, Giuseppi, who's-a Abraham Lincoln?"
He says, "Hah! Abaham-a Lincoln is-a sixteenth President of-a the United
States. I'm-a go to night school, learn all about-a United States, and become-a
U.S.-a citizen."
A guy in the back of the shop yells, "Yo, Giuseppi . . . you know who Fishlips
Lorenzo is?"
He says, "No. Who's-a Fishlips Lorenzo is?"
The guy yells, "That's the guy who's bangin' your wife while you're in night
school."
Oh yeah, another from the category of "I'm gonna hear about
this one . . ."
Hiram answers the telephone, and it's an emergency room doctor.
The doctor says, "Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and
good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will be on
a respirator the rest of her life."
Hiram says, "My God. What's the good news?"
The doctor says, "I'm kidding. She's dead."
These quotations are (allegedly) taken from actual Federal employee
performance evaluation reports.
"I would not allow this employee to breed"
"This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won' t
be."
"Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."
"When she opens her mouth, it seems it is only to change feet."
"He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."
"This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
"He sets his personal standards low, and consistently fails to achieve them."
"This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."
"This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better."
"Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together."
"A gross ignoramus---144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."
"He certainly takes a long time to make his pointless."
"He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."
"I would like to go hunting with him sometime."
"He's been working with glue too much."
"He would argue with a signpost."
"He has a knack for making strangers immediately."
"He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."
"When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."
"He has a photographic memory, but with the lens cover glued on."
"A prime candidate for natural deselection."
"Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."
"Gates are down, lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."
"Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it."
"If she were any more stupid, she'd have to be watered twice a week."
"If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."
"If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the oceans."
"It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."
"Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled."
"Takes him an hour and a half to watch 60 Minutes."
"The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."
Moses is up in Heaven and is watching all this Bill Clinton stuff on
one of Heaven's TV's.
Needless to say, he is pretty disturbed by all these sexual things being played out in the
Oval Office,
So he goes up to God and asks, "God, I've been watching all that has been going on
with Bill Clinton down on Earth and frankly I'm pretty upset about it. Is there anyway you
could add an 11th commandment to try to curb all this activity?"
God says to Moses, "Well, that isn't a bad idea.
Come back tomorrow morning and let me think about it tonight." So, Moses leaves and
God begins to ponder weather he should add an 11th commandment and if so, what it would
be.
Moses comes back the next morning and asks God, "Well, God, did you decide to
come up with a new commandment?"
"Yes," God says, "How about this one: Do not show thy rod to thy
staff."
Weill and Mahoney had started with only five hundred dollars between
them, but they had built up a computer business with sales in the millions. Their company
employed over two hundred people, and the two executives lived like princes.
Almost overnight, things changed. Sales dropped sharply, former customers disappeared, and
the business failed. Weill and Mahoney blamed each other for the troubles, and they parted
on unfriendly terms.
Five years later, Weill drove up to a decrepit diner and stopped for a cup of coffee. As
he was wiping some crumbs from the table, a waiter approached. Weill looked up and gasped.
"Mahoney!" he said, shaking his head. "It's a terrible thing, seeing you
working as a waiter in a place like this."
"Yeah," Mahoney said, curling his lip. "But I don't eat here."
Jon starts working in a lumber camp. The boss says, "We
work twelve hours a day, we eat two meals a day, lights out at ten-thirty, and you can put
your dick in the barrel over there for a blow job any day but Thursday."
Jon says, "Why not Thursday?"
The boss says, "Because Thursday is your turn in the barrel."
A retired sailor purchased a computer and began to learn all about
computing. Being a sailor, he was used to addressing his ships as "She" or
"Her". But was unsure what was proper for computers.
To solve his dilemma, he set up two groups of computer experts: one group was male, and
the other group was female.
The group of women reported that computers should be refereed to as "HE"
because:
1. In order to get their attention you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve problems but half the time they are the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realise that if you had waited a little longer, you
could have had a newer and better model.
The group of men reported that computers should be referred to as "SHE" because:
1. No one but the creator understands their logic.
2. The native language they use to talk to other computers is incomprehensible to anyone
else.
3. Even your smallest mistakes are stored in long term memoryfor later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck
on accessories for it.
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed, here
are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:
*On Sears hair dryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
* On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
* On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
* Some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
* On a hotel-provided shower cap in a box:
Fits one head.
* On Tesco's Tiramisu desert:
Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the bottom of the box.)
* On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
* On packaging for a Rowenta Iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
* On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
* On Nytol (a sleep aid):
Warning: May cause drowsiness.
* On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning keep out of children.
* On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
* On a Japanese food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
* On Sainsbury's Peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
* On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
* On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked after folding items the
woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I notice a remote control for a
television set in her purse.
"Do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied. "But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I
figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him."
Amanpreet was eighteen years old, friendly, and eager to do things
right. Unfortunately, he wasn't especially bright. He had just started his first job, as a
delivery boy and general go-fer at a furniture warehouse. His first task was to go out for
coffee.He walked into a nearby coffee shop carrying a large thermos. When the counterman
finally noticed him, he held up the thermos.
"Is this big enough to hold six cups of coffee?" he said. The counterman looked
at the thermos, hesitated for a few seconds, then finally said, "Yeah. It looks like
about six cups to me."
"Good," Amanpreet said. "Give me two regular, two black, and two
decaf."
An old man, Mr. Smith, resided in a nursing home. One day he went
into the nurses' office and informed Nurse Jones that his penis died.
Nurse Jones, realizing the Mr. Smith was old and forgetful decided to play along with him.
"It did? I'm sorry to hear that," she replied.
Two days later, Mr. Smith was walking down the halls at the nursing home with his penis
hanging outside his pants. Nurse Jones saw him and said, "Mr.Smith I thought you told
me your penis died".
"It did" he replied; "today is the viewing"
Arnold and his wife were cleaning out the attic one day when he came
across a ticket from the local shoe repair shop. The date stamped on the ticket showed
that it was over eleven years old. They both laughed and tried to remember which of them
might have forgotten to pick up a pair of shoes over a decade ago.
"Do you think the shoes will still be in the shop?" Arnold asked.
"Not very likely," his wife said.
"It's worth a try," Arnold said, pocketing the ticket. He went downstairs,
hopped into the car, and drove to the store.
With a straight face, he handed the ticket to the man behind the counter. With a face just
as straight, the man said, "Just a minute. I'll have to look for these." He
disappeared into a dark corner at the back of the shop.
Two minutes later, the man called out, "Here they are!"
"No kidding?" Arnold called back. "That's terrific! Who would have thought
they'd still be here after all this time."
The man came back to the counter, empty-handed. "They'll be ready Thursday," he
said calmly.
The manager of a large city zoo was drafting a letter to order a
pair of animals. He sat at his computer and typed the following sentence: "I
would like to place an order for two mongooses, to be delivered at your earliest
convenience."
He stared at the screen, focusing on that odd word mongooses. Then he deleted the word and
added another, so that the sentence now read: "I would like to place an order for two
mongeese, to be delivered at your earliest convenience."
Again he stared at the screen, this time focusing on the new word, which seemed just as
odd as the original one. Finally, he deleted the whole sentence and started all over.
"Everyone knows no full-stocked zoo should be without a mongoose," he typed.
"Please send us two of them."
Ken was telling me he was at a newspaper shop in Ireland. He picked up a paper and offered the money to the shopkeeper. She said, "Do you know that's yesterday's paper?" I told her no and she asked, "Would you like todays?" When I responded that I would, she said, "Right, then, can you come back tomorrow?"
Aphaia said she remembers a class where the discussion topic was feminism and the women's movement. It got around to the 70s and women burning their bra. Some guy in class said, "Ouch!" He had to be told, "They weren't *wearing* them at the time."
Jo had been telling her 3 year old daughter when she wiggles on her butt too much she'll get "wedgies". "One morning I decided to wear some g-string panties and just had my top and undies on when drawing a bath for her. I'd bent over the bathtub and behind me I hear, 'Mommy, you have a really BAD wedgie!!!'" (I keep trying to get Jo to send pictures, but she just wont . . .)
St. Peter stood at the Pearly Gates, waiting for the incoming. He
saw Jesus walking by and caught his attention. "Jesus, could you mind the gate
whileI go do an errand?"
"Sure," replied Jesus. "What do I have to do?"
"Just find out about the people who arrive. Ask about their background, their family,
and their lives. Then decide if they deserve entry into Heaven"
"Sounds easy enough. OK."
So Jesus waited at the gates while St. Peter went off on his errand.
The first person to approach the gates was a wrinkled old man. Jesus summoned him to the
examination table and sat across from him. Jesus peered at the old man and asked,
"What was it you did for a living?"
The old man replied, "I was a carpenter."
Jesus remembered his own earthly existence and leaned forward. "Did you have any
family?" he asked.
"Yes, I had a son, but I lost him."
Jesus leaned forward some more. "You lost your son? Can you tell me about him?"
"Well, he had holes in his hands and feet."
Jesus leaned forward even more and whispered, "Father?"
The old man leaned forward and whispered, "Pinocchio?"
A man and his wife were driving through country on his way from New
York to California.
Looking at his fuel gauge, he decided to stop at the next gasoline station and fill up.
About 15 minutes later, he spots a Mobil station and pulls over to the high octane pump.
"What can I do for ya'll?" asks the attendant. "Fill `er up with high
test," replies the driver.
While the attendant is filling up the tank, he's looking the car up and down.
"What kinda car is this?" he asks. "I never seen one like it before."
"Well," responds the driver, his chest swelling up with pride, "this, my
boy is a 1999 Cadillac DeVille."
"What all's it got in it?" asks the attendant.
"Well," says the driver, "it has everything. It's loaded with power
steering, power seats, power sun roof, power mirrors, AM/FM radio with a 10 deck CD player
in the trunk with 100 watts per channel, 8 speaker stereo, rack and pinion steering, disk
brakes all around, leather interior, digital instrument package, and best of all, a 8.8
liter V12 engine."
"Wow," says the attendant, "that's really something!"
"How much do I owe you for the gasoline?" asks the driver.
"That'll be $30.17," says the attendant.
The driver pulls out his money clip and peels off a $20 and a $10. He goes into his other
pocket and pulls out a handful of change. Mixed up with the change are a few golf tees.
"What are those little wooden things?" asks the attendant.
"That's what I put my balls on when I drive," says the driver.
"Wow," says the attendant, "those Cadillac people think of
everything!"